Sue Adams Counselling and Psychotherapy

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  • Musings

    His love didn’t stand the test of discord,

    echoes of powerlessness froze him into mute resistance.

     Memories of a life unpoured,

    walking the minefield he dwells in her trance.

    Freedom caught at the ankle.


    I long for you,

    Look for you in every nook and cranny,

    I feel youre just around the corner –

    But youre not.

    I feel I know your taste,

    your touch-

    Your kindness, wisdom, humour.

    I almost saw your face today –

    but that I have forgot.

    Do you long for me,

    look for me?

    Are we vessels unknowingly passing?

    How is that we blindly travel?

    What will be our eyes unfastening?

    I have love to give,

    Passion to share,

    Sex to have over and over.

    It seems a shame to be so single

    when it could be so good with another.

    But Im weary of this longing now,

    Its taste not sweet, not bitter,

     Just the idle lingering

    Of some forgotten savor.

    I want to banish it from sight,

    from thought, from feeling ever.

    I need to plough ahead with life,

    my hopes and dreams Ill sever.

    Grief takes over from longing now,

    why wont my soul be still?

    If only my feelings would come to order

    And it was only a question of will!

    Nearly a year

    Nearly a year since your eyes closed with finality-

    Nearly a year since I watched you die.

    Nearly a year digesting the enormity

    of your last breath, last touch

    last sigh.


    Grief presses me down as though buried in sand-

    And slips by uncaught through the fingers of my hand.

    I cant see the whole,

    get a feel for its shape,

    each tiny grain makes its slippery escape.

    If I could give it a name,

    one name, not a million,

    I could banish the demon

     and not call myself Legion.

    A Love Song

    The radiant sun throws its beams at the Bay

    which joyfully catches and throws them my way.

    The wind in my hair, and impeding my peddling,

    joins in creating our love song unending.

    The wind-teased ripples invite the sand to dance –

    pelicans paddling by a little child entrance.

    A cormorant thanks the sun for her attention,

    the trees and rocks exude a peace

    caught clear in their reflection.

    A gleaming fish leaping from the water to the sky

    Falls back with a splash which catches my eye.

    What a way to start a day, with dance song and play –

    Our shared life an anthem

    That will never pass away.


    She didn’t know she wished me dead.

    He couldn’t see he was in her thrall.

    But when they were together-

    with all of this unsaid,

    I was merely a shadow,

    not really there at all.

     Full Moon

    Oh how that stark light quickens my blood

    as if breath blows the embers of longing!

    Oh relentless orb piercing my peace

     with the promise of love for the asking!


    Theres a beauty so clear in a night lit this way

    with a mystical mood that will lay

    damp on the ground

    when the sun is found

    turning silver to gold for the day.

    The Dance

    Will you dance with me forever?

    My love, I surely will.

    Will you dance through balmy weather and over bleak and rugged hills?

     I will dance along the path with you, though it leads through mists unclear,

    I will take your hand, be by your side, share your joy and hold your fear.

    Will you dance with me when we lose our way?

    Will your feet still move with mine?

    We wont be long lost if our feet still trust in our rhythm so sublime.

    And you my love, will you still dance, though your shoes are worn too thin,

    when you feel the weariness in your bones and the blistering begins?

    I will dance through the pain and pray with you that we never declare defeat,

    I will sway with you ’till the dancing carries us off our feet

    and our twirling selves become the rhyme that makes the dance complete.


    Your face is so dear to me.

    Thats what happens with old friends.

    We pull on our friendship like old slippers when we meet

    And when we are apart

    we hold hands.


    I dance til I blister

    I laugh till I cry

    I work harder than I have ter

    I want a big slice of pie.

    Wheres the man to match me?

    To rock and roll me all night long?

    To never blanch at my passion

    Nor block his ears to my song?


    My mind was captured by a thought

     I ran to ground with panicked foot.

    Fearing the meaning yet I sought

    the gaping gap wherein to put

    that blotched and miry remnant

    of an old but still so fresh confusion.


    I’m going to love you madly

    (I do mad quite well these days)

    I’m going to love you deeply,

    I’m drowning in the ways.

    I can’t wait for your spooning around me,

    having someone at my back,

    it’s not that I’m lost without you-

    but there is a certain lack.

    We’re going to laugh together,

    argue about the world,

    hang out the washing side by side

    Clothes and griefs unfurled.


    A shawl of mist wraps my bay,

    waiting to be woken by the warmth of day.

    monochrome beauty, a still life in grey,

    utterly calm,

    time held in its sway.


    Don’t call me to mind,

    I will not care.

    Don’t pluck those strings

    I would not lay bare.

    Don’t agitate for watching out

    when I would lie in peace,

    leave me to live my life

    each day a brand new brief.

    Don’t paint the devil on the wall

    I would not have him here,

    I choose to watch a golden dawn

    content without your fear.

     A stilling hand lays on your head,

    I’ll bid the healing flow,

    trust is hard to feel when new,

    but rises with the morrow.


    Im calling to the moon to light my way

    because its night in my soul.

    I will not tarry to feel my feet

    caught by the undertow.

    On I plough,

    I know not where,

    this moving is all I know,

    I thought the beam of light day waking,

     not moon on snow.

    Icy glare is light enough,

    the moon has answered my call,

    the path lies clear for a step or ten

    but the country I cant recall.

    This moving I know,

    it has always been thus,

    I rest when I sweep up my path,

     now I seek rest of a different kind,

    stillness in the face of love.

    Breaking up

    Eyes wide,

    mind throbbing

    a panic deep in my guts.

    There’s a hole in my side

    were the test was taken

    as to whether we lived or died.

    The water poured,

    the shadow has fallen,

    we grieve our parting apart,

    Separately but together

    we mourn

    The life that glowed in the dark.


    I will sink into the rufous rocks,

    dissolve into peaceful brine.

    Fly with clouds on exuberant winds

    and lie with dark roots underground.

    I will be a perfumed rose,

    a smile upon a child,

    I will run with the sap

    to the new spring shoots

    and dance as the sky unfurls.

    This body is bound in temporal chains

    with the blindfold of daily intentions,

    but oh to merge with that love Divine

    throbbing through glorious creation.

    My soul longs to rest in the rugged caps,

    the desert dry, the wind washed flats.

    Virgin air cleansed by watery fields-

    ever alive, ever fulfilled.


    Safe, grounded, held.

    Rooted deep, reaching tall.

    Invincible with you by my side.

    Turbulence that once rocked at a glance

    Flies off to pester another.

    Your arms hold me from afar,

    You see me when I’m gone,

    I know the winds you face,

    I have your back to keep you strong.

    The Leaf

    The leaf regards the world with equanimity

    Lulled by the breeze,

    swaying somnolence.

    An isolated life is unknown,

    close neighbours press in,

    moving as one body.

    And what of branch and trunk?

    What of the reaching, holding,

    grounding roots?

    Does the leaf thank them?

    Feel separate from them?

    I am the leaf.

    May 8, 2019 sueelizabethadams